People when you’re single: When are you going to get married?
People when you’re married: When are you going to have kids?
People when you have a boy: When are you going to have a girl?
People when you have a girl: When are you going to have a boy?
People when you have two kids: When are you going to have one more?
I currently find myself experiencing the latter. Well-intentioned people seek to help me fulfill what I’m missing because they feel like I need to “try for a boy.” If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that from a stranger or someone that barely knows me.
But the thing is, I don’t feel like I’m missing anything right now.
I have two beautiful, healthy little girls who make life busy. I also have a part-time job (with part-time money). I have an intense schedule of classes at Eastern Michigan University that takes up my remaining free time. And I have an equally busy – if not busier – husband who is also working and in school.
Everyone has their own reasons for waiting, or not waiting, to have another baby. But besides the obvious fact I can’t exactly choose to have a boy, there are things on which I am just not willing to compromise before bringing another life into the world:
FINANCIAL AND CAREER STABILITY
My family is well taken care of. Everyone is well fed and clothed. We have a safe home. My kids get all of their needs and most of their wants. But kids are expensive. Seriously. We have just enough to live comfortably as a family of four. Basically living paycheck to paycheck is keeping us afloat for now, but to have another kid would throw everything off equilibrium.
SAVINGS. SAVINGS. SAVINGS.
One day I hope for my kids to have the option to go to college without accumulating so much debt that Sallie Mae owns them for life. College is expensive and it’s only getting pricier. By the time I’m finished with my own bachelor’s degree, that will be one expensive piece of paper. I want to have not only enough money to live comfortably, but enough to set aside money to help them pursue whatever they decide to do after high school.
I feel like I never have enough hours in the day. My husband and I are both gone for most of the day during the week. I have the good fortune to have a saintly mother-in-law who babysits and who works with my four-year-old on all the skills she’ll need to start Kindergarten in the fall. But sometimes I feel like I miss out on a lot. I can’t do nearly as much as I’d like with my kids. And honestly (and a little selfishly), if I were to have another child right now, I’d have to further divide hours that are already so few.
I mentioned those classes at Eastern Michigan University near the top of this post. I’ve been trying to finish college since I graduated high school in 2005. I’ve put off my education on a couple different occasions to prioritize my responsibilities. Now that my kids are a little older I need to time to work on myself. To pursue my passions and dreams. And to figure out what i want to be when I grow up. The difference from one kid to two was pretty drastic for me and I feel like almost five years later, I’m finally getting into a groove. Let me enjoy it.
I’m only 29 years old and save for any future health issues, I’m sure my uterus has more than a few years left before it expires.
I’d rather bring a kid into a stable life where I can pass on more than my debts – you know, like a family home or something – than to feel the need to hurry and get them out the way. So world, please quit trying to rush my biological clock.
The only thing I want to give birth to right now is success.