Anxiety, The Green-Eyed Monster

I love writing. And while I’m blessed to have a job where I actually get paid to weave together words, writing day after day about all that’s wrong in the world gets tiring.

So, I started this blog as an outlet. A place where I can share things that make me happy or bring me relief. But for the past few days I’ve struggled to find the beauty in those things.

I’ve kinda struggled to do everything.

That’s the ugliness of how my anxiety works. One day I’m in control and I feel like I can conquer the world.

But then the next – or the next and the next and the next – anxiety vengefully rears its head.

Jealous, it beats me up and strips me down. Leaving me vulnerable. Exposed. Bare.

It backs me into a small corner of my mind. A space where social interactions feel consuming. Where just getting out of bed feels like an accomplishment. Where the things I need to accomplish during the day feel impossible.

Some days it robs me of my breath, leaving me gasping for air. It attempts to steal my peace, my confidence and my courage.

It tries to make me shrink inside myself and blend into the background, as if the person I’ve worked to become is all a ruse.

It seeks to make me question the small progress I think I’ve made. To make me believe my efforts at treating it are done in vain.

It’s goal is to make me give in, lay down and accept it.

But the thing is…I’m not going to give in. I’m not going to accept it. And even when my anxiety is lurking around the corner, hiding and waiting for me to let my guard down…I’ll still be ready to fight it.

7 Comments

  1. I wish I could “Love” this. “Like” doesn’t seem to cover it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Paulette Parker

      Thank you so much!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Ivori

    Hey how do you get through it, what are some things that helps you get through days like this?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Paulette Parker

      1. Saying no to things that aren’t immediate. There are things I have to do, like going to work and school and taking care of the kids but do I NEED to do those dishes now? Can that laundry wait? Do I need to accept that invitation to go somewhere? Not allowing myself to get overwhelmed.

      2. Making sure I’m paying extra attention to what I’m putting in my body, because body and mind work together. I usually cut back on the alcohol when I’m feeling bad, even wine. And making sure I’m getting enough water.

      And 3. Just remembering it’s temporary and I’ve powered through rough days this long, so I can keep doing it.

      Like

      1. Ivori

        And all those things were great, and that’s why you keep going🙌🏽 Thanks for the words of wisdom.

        Like

  3. I can so totally relate to these feelings of being so totally beaten down by anxiety, but that refusal to let it win! Love your perspective, and appreciate you sharing your journey! Let’s keep on fighting ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Paulette Parker

      Thank you so much! It’s definitely a daily struggle, but there’s so much satisfaction in overcoming days I don’t feel like I can get through!

      Liked by 1 person

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