I was a different person eight weeks ago.
I was overwhelmed and
tired exhausted and stressed out every day. There were mornings when I dreaded waking up because I knew the day would bring more than I could handle. I was yelling and crying and yelling and crying.
I’ve always been tightly wound. There isn’t a time in my life where I can recall that I wasn’t a worrier. That I wasn’t painfully shy. I was the quiet kid in the corner of every room, biting my nails. Trying to blend in so I’d never be called on. Always having something to say but never the courage to say it.
But a few months ago my stress became more stressful. My exhaustion became more exhausting. By the time I was done with work and classes and family…I didn’t even know where they day had gone. I just moved…I just did.
I started to feel like I couldn’t keep going. Like I could no longer survive my life the way that it was. I started to wonder how I could get any relief or rest. And my thoughts became more overwhelming.
You’re a bad mom.
You’re a bad wife.
You suck at your job.
You’re going to fail school.
What have you done with your life?
You’re a failure.
Why do you even want to keep going?
And I realized I needed help.
I admitted that I could no longer help myself. I realized I was sinking fast and I needed someone to pull me out of the hole I was in.
Eight weeks ago my doctor prescribed me Zoloft. I know people have mixed feelings about medication. Heck, even my own family was skeptical about me starting them.
I started on a low, low, low dose. I didn’t really know what to expect. I mean, I have always felt the way that I do. What if it’s just who I am?
I didn’t expect any big changes, but within the first two weeks it was like a switch clicked. When I’ve told people the difference I feel, I’ve described it as it being “quieter” in my head. I began to yell less, cry less, yell less, cry less. My constant racing thoughts slowed down. My job and my classes and my family became less overwhelming to balance.
And with each passing week I’ve felt even better. I’m now eight weeks in and seemingly past all the side effects. I feel like I laugh and smile more. I don’t dread waking up. My body no longer aches from constant tension.
And the sleep….oh the sleep. I don’t think I slept this well since before I had kids.
Medication is not for everyone…and that’s okay. It’s important to find what’s best for you. But I can say that Zoloft literally saved my life. It has helped me to begin finding the joy in my life and in myself again. And for that I am grateful.