Why I’m perfectly fine with being imperfect

I’ve been missing from my blog for a while.

It’s not that I haven’t had anything to say. It’s just that I haven’t had the time or energy to write it.

Between life and family and work and school, my schedule has been eating me alive. I’m over-extended and overwhelmed.

And one of the biggest mistakes I’ve been making is trying to handle it all – with a smile and to perfection.

I’ve been trying to be the perfect wife, perfect friend, perfect mom, perfect student and perfect employee. And somewhere along the way my own cup ran empty.

I didn’t even realize it until my anxiety started to become too much for even my Zoloft to handle. And when I started spending way more money on wine each week than I’ve ever spent in my life.

My sleep has gotten crappier. And I’ve just been plain unhappy.

I’ve worked so hard to take better care of my mental health since my anxiety diagnosis. But I think I started to feel so much better that I figured that meant I could take on more tasks.

It’s like having a job that pays you minimum wage. You have a car and an apartment that fits into your modest budget. It could be better, but you make it work. Then you get a raise or a new job that pays you more. So, you go and get a fancier apartment or a newer car; maybe the latest phone. Now you’ve got lots of new pretty things, but your savings account isn’t reflecting the gain from that pay increase because you’ve added more to your budget.

I did the same thing with my energy. Just because I have more energy to spare doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to add on things to use it up.

I’m a believer that sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can realize you were even falling. I also don’t believe hitting rock bottom is a once in a lifetime deal. Trust me, I’ve been there over….and over….and over.

I can’t do everything; and that’s okay. And I can’t always do things perfectly. That’s okay, too.

I’m learning to embrace imperfection. I’m learning to let things go and rest when I can. And I’m focused on remembering to replenish myself so I can better help others.

I’m also remembering that even when I look in the mirror and see an imperfect Paulette, my kids see me as their perfect mama.

Make sure you do the same.

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